Jill of all trades. . .

I was in high school the first time I heard the discouraging words "Well, you know - jack of all trades, master of none...". I think this is the year where I will quite formally heal what was hurt in me that day. 

I remember being in the band room before school when it was said to me - I spent a lot of time in the band wing practicing, looking through the library, listening to CDs I brought in on the hi-fi. I remember that until I returned from a month at orchestra camp, it had never occurred to me that I could major in music. Thus, at the beginning of senior year, I suddenly had a new plan for college application (auditioning!)  that was entirely unfamiliar to me and those who supported me. 

Though I spent many hours perfecting my scales, arpeggii, études, and solo works that autumn in preparation - also resulting in my winning my youth symphony's concerto contest on clarinet at the same time I had been cast as Queen Aggravain in my school's spring musical Once Upon a Mattress - I remember that my BIG goal was "performing in every ensemble at the spring concert". 

Every ensemble - I was already in choir, band, chamber, jazz, and percussion ensemble, so the big hurdles were freshman and men's choir. . .I think I weaseled my way into accompanying the men's choir on "Uptown Girl" I may not have entirely succeeded, but at that spring day in a high school gym in 2001, I played clarinet, xylophone, piano, bass, and sang for 2 straight hours. I had a broken toe from a church-pew accident, and I remember hobbling around between sets. I had my acceptance as a clarinet major to Indiana University for music ed, and my love of playing all these instruments was going to make sense - after all, being a band teacher is one of very few occupations that requires this varied skill set!

My college experience quickly taught me that I am not well-suited to being a band teacher. I also learned that specialization is pretty compulsory - you're compared to other people who do *one* thing VERY WELL and spending all their energy on ONE apparatus. If I hadn't taken to singing so strongly, I might have attempted the "pit musician" direction with a multi-instrument degree. Even though I was in this competitive, focused program, I still flirted with instrumental work - accompanying friends in voice/instrument lessons, playing clarinet, baritone, and sousaphone for 3 years in the marching band, securing the gig as a backup bass player for the Big Red Basketball Band, and taking organ lessons once I passed piano proficiency - so I could get a key to the carillon room and play that too. I remember taking a pop music fake book up there with the wonderful jazz trombonist Luke Malewicz - he comped chords on the carillon while I played the melody of "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" for the entirety of Bloomington one Friday night! 

In the many years since, my desire to do "more" than what I'm expected to as a singer has manifested in many, mostly quiet ways. Volunteering for large-group works like Eve Beglarian's A Murmur in the Trees (as one of 24 upright bass players) or Salvatore Sciarrinos' La bocca, i piedi, il suono for 100 roving saxophonists swirling around a quartet of virtuosic players). It has led to my work self-accompanying at the piano more publicly, which has now developed into a book for which I am a chapter author.  I have joined a few wind bands in my area to regain both my clarinet chops and a sense of cameraderie with instrumentalists that I have missed. 

In this upcoming season, I am exploring what makes me feel whole as a musician - and it is clear that embracing ALL of what I can do, with all the varied apparatuses and skills I wish to express, will be my path forward. I cannot wait to share what I'm planning!!

---